Make Authenticity Your Aim (MAYA) Transcript
Preeti (01:43.628)
Hey, it's Preeti, founder of MAYA Self Worth for Life and the Unloveables Podcast. I want to weigh in on the national conversation we're having around women who choose not to or can't have children. I have been both of those women. For much of my young adult life and my career, my focus was on my professional development and also on building a stable and healthy and happy home.
And neither of those things were actually conducive to having children in my very early twenties. I was married at 25. I was divorced at 29. It was a loving relationship, but there were some issues and I didn't feel that it was the environment that I wanted to bring children into. And I also did not anticipate being divorced at 29 years old. So that was disappointing.
At the same time, while that divorce was taking place, my career took off and I ended up having a really wonderful career as a fundraising professional in New York City, helping to raise money for scholarships to universities and programs that support families and children. And this was a really important part of my identity.
at the same time, I wanted to meet somebody and, and get married again and, and have a family. And that was absolutely something that was a priority for me. And while I sort of let that unfold or evolve, I focused on work and I focused on, on helping children. was a really important part of my work was helping kids. I've always loved kids and I've always wanted to have kids.
Around this time, I also discovered that I had a couple of autoimmune diseases and some other things that made it really hard to actually conceive. And over time, realized that actually my body doesn't produce children. It's actually, it's really hard. not something that my body's going to do without other medical intervention.
Preeti (04:04.674)
And it is prohibitively expensive to freeze your eggs. It is prohibitively expensive to do IVF. And I didn't want to do those things without a partner. And so I did meet somebody in 2014. I was 36 years old. And it was around the time where I thought, okay, well, this is sort of, this is the time. If it doesn't happen in the next three to four years, it probably won't happen. And for various reasons,
It wasn't the right relationship and it wasn't the right timing. Some of that had to do with my mental health and my addiction and had to do with the fact that I could compartmentalize all of that, throw myself into work and do a really good job. But that I didn't feel that I was stable enough or that I was prepared to bring a child into the world. Something that I thought was really, really an honor. and
something that I did not take lightly. And as I was figuring out my health, my mental health and my addiction, there were issues in that relationship as well. the last year of our relationship, we decided that we would do IVF. So we started the process and about halfway through that process, my ex -husband and I decided to part ways.
At that time I was left with a decision: Do I continue on with IVF? Do I have a child on my own? I was financially stable enough to do that. I was in my mid forties, early forties. and I thought, well, yeah, I could do that now. And so I, I, I continued down that road and I talked very candidly with my fertility doctor.
about my options and he was incredibly supportive. In fact, the whole team at Ilume Fertility were really loving and supportive. And ultimately, I decided that I was going to freeze my eggs and not go through with IVF at the time. And the reason for that was really because I wasn't ready to shut the door on children, but I also
Preeti (06:31.348)
realized that going through a divorce requires a lot of energy and time and that I needed to slow down and be mindful of the choices that I was making and that once again, it would have been unfair to not provide a completely stable home for my child. In this time, I started writing letters and actually,
started thinking, sort of fantasizing about what it would be like to be a mom, what it would be like to be a mom to maybe even a girl baby. And I named her MAYA, this sort of hypothetical baby. MAYA is a name that is prominent in lots of different cultures, including Indian culture, which is mine. And it means sun. And I felt that it just
always felt like a name that seemed hopeful and was like a beacon of light. And it gave me so much in a time that was really, that I felt quite untethered to think of this beautiful baby girl that I could love and nurture and raise.
to know that she was really wanted and that.
Preeti (08:04.182)
And that I waited, I waited until it was, until the circumstances were right for her.
Preeti (08:29.61)
One of the things that I came to learn through that process is that health insurance in America, if it even covers any fertility treatments, it only covers if a woman is going to fertilize an egg with sperm. It only covers the creation of embryos. It is an incredibly anti-woman. law.
I paid about $20,000 all told out of pocket. It was a big chunk of my savings to go through with freezing those eggs because insurance doesn't cover egg freezing. we are pro -woman, If we care about a woman's reproductive health, if we care about the future of
humankind, if we take care of the children that we have, if we say that we care about a woman's reproductive rights, then I feel that we need to also provide health care for her to freeze her eggs until she is ready to have a child.
and not just freeze embryos that require sperm. I went so far as to find a sperm donor. It's a really interesting process. It's a complicated process. It's a little bit like dating. And, you know, except that you never meet the person.
Preeti (10:21.41)
I worked my whole life in support of families and children. It's a really important part of my career. I never imagined that I would be 46 and not have kids. I am a stepmom. In my second marriage, my stepson's name is Mika. He's 19 years old. He lives in Sydney, Australia with his mom, Virpi. I love them very much. And it's been a joy and a pleasure to be included in their family.
Preeti (10:53.537)
I
I realized about a year ago that...
Preeti (11:07.106)
that given my age and some of my other health concerns that carrying a child to term was probably a bit risky. And so I have, I would say 90% of me, I would say 75 % of me has shut the door on those three beautiful eggs that have been frozen at Ilume Fertility
I think about them from time to time. I hope they're okay.
Preeti (11:46.292)
I named them MAYA, Olivia, and Rose. I don't know why they're all girls. And then about a year ago, When I was starting to realize that perhaps this was not meant to be for me, I was starting to also think about what this next chapter of my life is going to look like professionally.
The idea of supporting families, parents, children, young men and women, boys and girls through some of tough things they go through as a family was definitely on the forefront of my mind. Since I came into recovery, since I got sober almost four years ago, I thought a lot about my own family and how much love and support they gave me.
how they couldn't really prevent me from going down some difficult paths, that there were a lot of challenges that they couldn't necessarily mitigate for me as an adult. But that's some of the things that I have learned since getting sober is about true confidence, self -validation, looking inward instead of looking externally for
support for instead of looking externally to prove my worth, I realized that those are things that I could have learned at a younger age and that perhaps they would have mitigated some of the challenges that I faced as a young adult and an adult. That perhaps if I had the foundation of
True confidence, perhaps if I had the ability to self -validate Perhaps if I knew that I could be my own safe place and that was actually what it meant to become an adult Was to learn to meet my own needs sometimes "reparent" myself and meet needs that were that went unmet as a child That I would learn How to take really good care of myself and
Preeti (14:10.38)
how to take really good care of that little girl that didn't know she was good enough, that tried so hard, that poured achievement over achievement over achievement to make herself feel valuable and worthy of existing. And the fact is, is that you are worthy because you exist. You are worthy because you are a miracle that was born. You are worthy because you woke up this morning ready to face the day.
And even if you weren't ready to face the day, you woke up this morning. And I want parents, moms and dads to know I care so deeply for you and for your children. That I didn't get to have my own, but it doesn't mean that I don't understand the difficulties of raising kids in this complicated digital age. We at MAYA want to be your partner. We want to help you.
through complicated conversations, we want to help allay your fears and bring to light taboo subjects that might be too difficult for you to talk to your kids about, but that could save their lives or could prevent them from endless suffering:
Preeti (15:28.478)
maladaptive coping skills like addiction, shopping, overachievement, the quest for more, this disease of more. Those develop in lieu of true coping skills, ones that serve us, healthy coping skills, ones that we can teach our children, but only if we know them. I didn't have these coping skills, but I've learned them along the way, and I am here with my team to share them with you and your family. We care about your kids. We care about you. We love families. They are our entire reason for being. And while I didn't get to have my own MAYA, MAYA is now something that I'm bringing to the rest of the world. MAYA stands for: Make Authenticity Your Aim. Your only job, is to know who you are, to truly value yourself, to understand what makes you tick, what gets you excited. what other people see in you. So for parents, if you have a kid who you see so much potential in, who you know in and out, and they just don't quite see it themselves, or if you're a teen,
And people are paying you compliments. They're telling you that you're smart and you're funny and you're confident and you're beautiful inside and out. And you keep thinking, who are they talking about? That can't be me. I am here to tell you, it is you. And together we will find you in all of that. I am here to tell you that it is you. You are that beautiful, smart, funny, savvy,
confident young man or woman. You are your own safe place. You are the apple of your parents' eye. You are your own. You are complete just as you are. And the things that you achieve will bring you success, but they won't bring you happiness. Happiness comes from within.
Preeti (17:52.492)
Happiness is knowing who you are. Happiness is valuing yourself. And there are tools and there are skills and they are all within your reach. Join us at MAYA. Let us bring you into the light. Join us at MAYA. Let us show you what the rest of the world sees. Let us help you own your true identity. Let us help you have the agency
and take back the power to live your best life and to thrive no matter what challenges life will throw you. Thank you so much for listening. We look forward to seeing you. You can find us at maya4Life.com that's maya4life.com and on social media @maya4lifeofficial. I'm Preeti I'm so, glad to be here and I'm so happy to share my journey with you and your family. Thanks for listening.
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