Hey everybody, this is Curt and Preeti with Konvo Dating and we're going to help people talk about how do you tell someone on a first or second date that you're sober? Not exactly what a lot of people want to hear if you like going out for drinks and it's the social lubricant and it gets everybody kind of loosened up. So if you're a sober person, how do you tell someone that you're sober? So Preeti.
What has it been like to go on dates and tell people you're sober and what has kind of been the solution for you?
Preeti (00:27)
Yeah, I was going to say I've had a little bit of experience with this. Dating sober is an interesting thing to experience for the first time. And I will say that in the last couple of years of dating, I have tried various different things. First and foremost, I put on my dating profile non -drinker. I don't think that in most dating apps, there's a couple that have sober. And I've never actually, check the sober box, but I have definitely put that I am not a drinker, that I don't drink any, that I don't drink at all. And so from the jump, that actually, people self -select for that. And so if you never drink and it's an issue for somebody that you never drink, and by the way, when I was an active alcoholic, I would never have gone out with somebody who didn't drink ever, because that was an important part of my life. And regardless of how I justified it,
You know, we wouldn't have aligned we wouldn't have matched up because I had a life that included alcohol. And so from the jump, just putting that I don't drink at all, if a man actually reads my profile, and there's a big if there, they're going to self -select and they're not going to necessarily want to go out with me if drinking is really important to them. So you weed out some people that way. I think the other thing is, that
I often picked people who said that they don't drink at all or that they don't drink much or that they drink rarely. And I definitely did not agree to go on a date with anybody who said that alcohol was really important to them or anybody who actually even said that they did drugs. So that was a boundary that I set very early on. But in terms of actually disclosing that I'm a sober woman in long -term recovery,
I had to try several different ways. It was a very personal journey for me. And the things that I tried were not saying anything. We're basically showing up and if somebody offered me a drink, I said, no, I actually don't drink. Or sometimes I said, no, I'm not drinking at the moment. And most people don't actually ask you and press you and pursue that line of conversation. If you're worried that someone's going to quiz you as to why you don't drink, that generally doesn't happen.
If it does happen, then you can say whatever level of comfort you have with that person. Remember, this person is a stranger. You don't owe them any information about your life that is that personal, and you don't owe them the details. You're not giving them any of your medical records. We're not at that stage yet where we're talking about things that are sensitive. I also tried sometimes in conversation early on,
even before we met, it might come up and I would just see if that deterred somebody from going out with me. And honestly, it never did. It was always like, oh my God, that's amazing. Congratulations. That's really hard to do. And when I started getting that response from men, I started realizing that maybe being sober was actually an asset and not something that felt like a liability, that maybe it was something that
could build my confidence and make me feel like there is this really big thing that I've done, that I'm doing, that I'm committed to doing for the rest of my life. And yeah, things got dark and I have some tough, tough times behind me, but they are behind me in the rear view mirror. And it's actually kind of amazing that people all understand and know somebody either in recovery or who has a problem. And there's a lot of respect for those of us who take the steps to
to take charge of our lives and recover from addiction and alcoholism. And then finally, it had sort of evolved over time. It came to be that I started making videos about my recovery because I really wanted to use my story to help other people. And once I did that, even though these weren't necessarily men who would watch those videos and they didn't know anything about me,
I became more more confident moving through my life as a woman in recovery and not taking my recovery for granted. I work very hard at it daily. So it's not something that I assume is something I'm gonna have. It's something that I know that I can keep if I work at it every day. But I started to lead with it. And so earlier and earlier in conversation, I would say, well, I've been sober for four years now. I've been sober for three years now.
it was, again, always met with a lot of admiration and respect. And if it wasn't, then you know what? That's not the person for me. And it's actually such an important part of my life and something that I am so proud of that, you know, wasn't something that I ended up wanting to hide. There are people who feel very differently. I have friends in recovery who are who hold their their recovery very close to the chest and they don't disclose. And, know,
In dating, eventually we do have to reveal ourselves to one another. at konvodating.com, we are definitely committed to helping you have those difficult conversations. And one of the things that sets our app apart from the rest is that we actually help guide you through all of that. So Curt, where can they find more information about konvodating.com?
Curt (05:24)
Konvodating.com is not a dating app as we know Preeti it is a relationship app for people doing the work, but you can go to Konvodating.com put your email in join the early bird list and you'll be one of our beta testers
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