Personal Responsibility Transcript
Preeti (00:01.53)
Hey, Curt, I wanna talk about something that I know has been on your mind as we've had several offline conversations about it. And it has to do with giving away your power to another source, something external from you. And how do you walk that line between maybe having a sense that there is something bigger than us out there that can be helpful and as an energy source.
God or religion, whatever it is, a spiritual life that we can tap into versus our own personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is a really important part of my life and it's something that we teach at MAYA, that there is that which in the realm of control that even young people have personal responsibility and we want to hold them accountable and we want to teach them self -worth and how to internally validate themselves.
Tell me how you walk that line.
Curt (00:59.27)
Yeah, and this is a really great question. As young people not only struggle to find who they are and design who they want to be, but also believe in, a God or religion. And it always brings me back. There's a famous Keanu Reeves clip on the internet about Buddhism, where when you start to give a third party, say an entity like God, power in your life to control your happiness, whether it's your recovery or you're building something or
how you design your life, open up this door, and it's a fine line because it's a quick slide down the chute down to victimhood when you introduce, well, there's God's plan and there's God's grace. Because in the same sense, if there's a benevolent power out there helping you and looking out for you, there has to also then, with the yin and the yang, be a negative power out there working against you, a devil, if you will, in organized religion, or
a group of conspiracy theorists, the Illuminati, whoever's running the secret government is working against you to keep you down. And the reason this is so dangerous is that opens up the door to being a victim in life, that you're not responsible. There's maybe a 2% or a 10% force working either for you in a good way or against you. And a good example is watching TV and reading a book.
For every thousand people that like to be passive and watch TV and be entertained, there's one person who likes to open a book and do the work. You have to engage your brain, have everything be quiet. It's the same way in this theory where if you give yourself a little opening to be a victim that, it was God's plan, it wasn't my fault, there's the Illuminati, there's the secret government, there's whoever are working against me, that's why I'm unhappy in life, that's why I can't get ahead. it's so easy to sit back and just
You get to become the TV watcher. It happens to you. Life is being done to you as opposed to having the power to say, no, I'm responsible for my happiness. 100%. If I'm in a situation, I need to change it. If I'm unhappy, I need to take the steps to change it. So you're right. There is this Pandora's box. As soon as you open up that idea of again, a God's grace, a plan, there's, know, it was just, you know, by God's will this happened.
Curt (03:17.434)
You start to give away your power. You start to let your happiness and your troubles be up to some source. which may or may not exist. I'm not here to debate atheism is there a God. I'm just saying if you give your power away and your responsibility, the gravitational force and the steepness of that quick slope picks up because it's so much easier to sit on the couch and watch TV than is supposed to doing the work on your life, reading the book and
it's too bad. It's my husband's fault. It's my wife's fault. It's my mom, the way she brought me up, my dad, my boss. It's not my fault. And it's so There's no work in that. And there's no real happiness as we can see the world. But boy, that is a tough area to walk into again without offending people to say you're giving your power away as soon as you say this is God's will or this happened to me or there's a group of whoever out there that's working against all of us to keep us down.
You can immediately become a victim real fast. I'm curious as to where you think the line is of accepting there's something else out there helping or hurting us and how you keep your responsibility as like, no, I am responsible in my life for everything and who I am and my happiness.
Preeti (04:30.998)
Right. Well, I appreciate the question. It's a difficult topic, so I appreciate the challenge that you've given us today. to engage with it. I will first start by saying that the MAYA program is an inclusive program, that it doesn't matter what you believe in or if you don't believe in anything. We believe in the, We're not advocating for one way or another. What we are is advocating for personal responsibility, accountability.
and the things that we are able to do in our lives to advance it, further it, and also grow. And the abdication of personal responsibility is 100% anti-MAYA. So having said that, in my own life, I have come to some sort of an understanding that there's something bigger than me, bigger than Preeti. And that that thing
as far as I want to discuss it today is something to do with the greater good. And so I asked myself several questions when I'm grappling with what direction to take. it generally includes, is this ego? Is this about me? Is this something that I need to advance for my own sort of selfish ends? Or is it something that's going to help me grow and become
better at something, something that is it going to be about self -improvement? And that is also a personal gain, but I think it advances a greater good. And I want to be a part of a greater good and the advancement of a greater good. I will also say that in my own personal experience, I have led a life prior to getting sober and being super mindful
At times I'm not totally, I'm not proud of. And it had to do with this idea of victimization where I often felt put upon, where I often felt like I was the only one. And none of those things were actually true. The fact is that there is great suffering in the world and people go through a lot of things and that people also rise above. And I can look at my own life and many things over.
Preeti (06:55.034)
the entire trajectory of my life that I have been able to overcome. And I think what I'm most comfortable with is that I don't have to do any of that alone anymore. And somewhere along the line, the idea of individuality, the idea of independence, and especially being raised to be a self -sufficient, independent, financially responsible, capable woman, somehow veered a little bit
course and made me feel like I was responsible for always going it alone, for figuring it out, for doing it on my own. That got me into a lot of trouble and it made things a lot harder. And so now I lean on friends, my trusted few. It's not everybody. It's a small close circle of people that I share values with and I'm super mindful about who's in that circle. My sober community is another
reliable source for me. My family has always been a reliable source for me, but I think in families, it's complicated and we have to also realize that there are patterns and triggers and it definitely requires a lot of boundary setting in order to benefit from the wisdom that your family can give you. And then finally,
I have a meditation life. I started a meditation practice years ago. It's a secular meditation practice. It's not based on any religion, but it's something that I dabbled in in college. And it's something that over the years I always came back to. And just coming back to the breath and breathing and having some quiet time with myself and my thoughts before they start racing, before the day runs away from me is a really important part of my foundation. And I think to sum this up, in terms of personal responsibility,
Finding the sources that support me and lift me and helped me be of service to others, helped me be of service in my own life is 100 % my responsibility. It's very different than constantly seeking external validation. I have an internal foundation of knowing that I can ask myself certain questions. One of the questions I ask is what is the next right thing that I'm meant to do?
Preeti (09:16.526)
And this is helpful for many reasons, but it's also very helpful because I get very overwhelmed in a day and I don't always know what that is. But in terms of my personal responsibility, sourcing my strength from other places is really important to me now while not abdicating the fact that I do have a purpose and it is my responsibility to move the needle forward to get things done in a day.
to give myself rest and to also give myself grace. And so I'm walking this line, learning every day and practicing how to draw from external sources and that will actually fortify my inner life.
Curt (09:58.898)
Yeah, I think a big word you said there a few times was responsibility, right? You need to be able to ask yourself in a moment, is this predicament I'm in? Bad relationship, something happening in your life, you're not happy. Is this my responsibility, which you're 50/50 responsible usually is the golden rule, or is it some external force? You and we all, You hear people say, why would God let this happen? How can God let that happen? And just come back to, am I responsible?
and the end for where I'm at, regardless of my belief in a traditional God, a fifth dimension movement, whatever your thing is that you're giving responsibility for your actions or your predicament to, just be aware of it. Have a little bell or a little kind of catchphrase to catch. Am I abdicating my power to some sort of source that controls now my happiness or if I'm going to be sad in life? And you got to catch that early.
Because like I said, the slope to go down, once you start with, it's someone else's fault, regardless of God or community or higher power, you can then start lining up the things that are not your fault all the way from birth, right? So like you said, responsibility. Am I responsible? Am I being responsible right now? Is a great way to catch it and to make sure you don't go down that slippery slope of, well, I'm just a victim now. I'm going to watch TV, like basically on the couch and let everything wash over me
Preeti (11:14.502)
Maybe.
Curt (11:28.814)
And it's not, I didn't, there's nothing I can do about it. So responsibility is big and getting that instilled at the team, like with the teens we work with at MAYA, we've noticed is a huge, huge game -changing shift in how they look at life and how they plan their day and what they see in their future. You are responsible. You are now in charge of your life. And I know you've seen it. The light bulb goes off with these kids and it's just like, yup, there it
Preeti (11:54.852)
Yeah, giving our children agency to realize that they are responsible, but also co -creators of their destiny is really, really important. And we have found at MAYA that when we ask them questions about what they want for their own life, they take more responsibility for what they do. They sit up straighter, their confidence starts to build, their self -worth and their self -esteem starts to build. So empowering kids to do that is super important.
You bring up something, the word blame comes to mind. And I think that it's really unhelpful to blame others for things that have happened to us, but it's also really unhelpful to blame ourselves. Sometimes we do the best that we can with the information that we have. And I have a very good friend of mine, Janet, who always says, when we know better, we do better. And I think that that's another goal of mine. One of the questions I ask myself is what is my part in it? I
always play a part in everything that It happens in my life, good and bad. And instead of looking to blame someone else or instead of self blame, I'm somebody who has spent a lot of time self -flagellating, which is incredibly unhelpful. And I work really hard not to do that anymore. Those are all maladaptive once again, right? The things that we do that aren't constructive to our personal growth are often seeking to
put the blame on someone else or seeking to blame ourselves. But the healthier question that I've learned to ask that others have taught me to do is to always ask what's my part in it. And I find that I give a really honest answer to that question. And that is really where the growth can happen, that the self -awareness can happen. That is not to say that understanding where we come from and where other people
have influenced our lives negatively is unimportant. That is important as well, but that's more of an understanding, so that we don't repeat the same mistakes in terms of letting other people control parts of our lives. But at the same time, the idea that we can take responsibility for ourselves and that we are the, that we own our.
Preeti (14:16.834)
our destinies and that we can affect change in our own lives is incredibly empowering. It's something that we teach our kids at MAYA.
Curt (14:25.714)
Teens definitely become responsible when you say to them, what was your role in this? And they look a little flabbergasted, you know, it's my mom, it's my dad, it's my brother. And then the switch It happens when you tell them you are responsible for your happiness and your life going forward from this, you whatever week we're on with them. And then it just like you said, they sit up straight, the homework's done. They're so engaged when they realize I control my destiny. I'm not doomed or.
generational trauma is gonna continue. I can change it. And that's always one of my favorite parts of the program. So how do people and parents and teens find out about this
Preeti (15:04.102)
We're at www.MAYA4LIFE.COM, maya4life.com. And you can find us on our social media, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook at MAYA4LIFEOFFICIAL.
Curt (15:15.356)
Sounds great, see you there.
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